My girlfriend went down on me and as she did she hummed the theme from star wars and pretended my dick was a lightsaber...I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
Wow, this guy is harder to get rid of than gum in pubic hair
It's sad how good I am at giving people diseases
i forgot what you looked like. so we left to get pizza. sorry
I think hes settled down now. He's just licking the walls and the windows.
The bloodstain in the garden looks like a sad face. Like I don't already know this is bad...
I think for all the guys in my phone, I'm going to change their pictures to pics of their dicks. It's easier to identify them that way.
I projectile vomited in his sisters room where the toiled would have been if it were the bathroom.
He texted back and said he would hook up if he didn't have a test at 8am. It's really hard to be annoyed by how good of a student he is.
Yeah that sucks. That's why I stick to deadbeat sports management majors.
Also, what is a socially acceptable way to introduce a crossbow in public?
Got home to the hotel 3hrs ago per texts sent not in english to not a full phone number
When I said I wanted you to make noise during sex, I didn't mean mocking ones.
And amler is totally snoring loud as fuck sitting on the steps with her feet in a puddle of soda puke
So I definitely tried to pay a cab with baseball tickets last night
Holy fuck where did this cat tattoo on my ass come from
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