Were we dating when my roommates and I had the 'everyone gets laid' part?
Ya
I used to kick so much ass
There are just some things I refuse to put in my mouth.
I got really high with eric & scott.. they're discussing why words sound the way they do.. it's going to get messy
We stayed in and smoked weed and watched Dreamgirls. We made each other's vaginal lips sing the songs. Mine was Beyonce, hers was Jamie Foxx. I think this is one of those times you're jealous you're not an awesome lesbian.
Some drunk couple just made out on the sidewalk and it reminded me some sweet moments we have shared...
Apparently I kept telling people I was a pro tennis player again...
I just woke up to three dick pics. Apparently in my blacked out state. I was asking for them as the new valentines day card.
If he can forgive your lousy blowjobs, you can ignore his terrible driving.
My fridge is empty and all of my food is in the bathtub. Just.. Why?
That's what you get for doing kinky shit with a guy that lives in his moms basement.
i regret nothing
brb throwing up in the dishwasher
i regret everything
Only great wives bring your dope to you when you are at the Cardiologist
Just shared a bacon biscuit with my cat.... Life is weird for me right now
We all just got ice cream, condoms, and toilet paper now were gonna go home and watch movies as a family.
Condoms?
I just found a ladybug shell in my underwear. What was I doing last night?
Randomize
