we made out on top of his cat.
all i wanna do is slam about 38 beers eat a whole pizza and wake up naked in the taco bell parking lot
you could never motorboat her...you'd have to motor-titanic her
You spilled spaghetti on the floor, and kept telling the noodles to "settle down" as you tried to clean it up
the best thing about long term relationship is that the fact that i bothered to shave my legs today counts as a valentines gift
Trying to figure out which chair my head was under last night
And I feel bad.
Because we're having a serious discussion about our sex life and you're playing minecraft?
Ugh did we play golf last night and did you by chance hit my head with a club or a ball?
It was so cute that he apologized for getting cum on my couch. If he realized how many guys had cum on that couch in the past year, he wouldn't have touched my vagina with a 10-ft pole.
It is a sign that I need a fresh start when Kelly Clarksons new album tells the story of my life.
I know you're gay. But if I'm not getting dick, then you have to. That's what friends do.
With a butt like mine I'll never have to pay for Netflix again.
She just took all of the blankets in the house and threw them in the yard, because 'the grass was cold'..
Joke’s on you. I got to talk to a furry about why nukes are bad and why musicals are good.
I didn't think you wanted your identity stolen along with your dignity. My mistake.
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