while fucking on the counter the whip cream was conveniently right next to us. i love thanksgiving
Im covered in vodka and melted gummys. Fuck summer.
Pre-drinking/conditioning my liver for this impending hurricane party associated with cat. 2 hurricane Irene. Be ready to roll in a weather channel minute.
All i remember is Liz dragging me home yelling at me, crying, and barfing
I tell myself every day I shouldn't be friends with you
I was laying there trying to sleep and then he sat up, took out his dick, and put it on my shoulder. It wasn't even hard- it was just casually perched.
She was lying on the table chugging back something when the table broke
She kept going
You just jumped of the couch and yelled "hidden tiger crouching dragon!" That's the answer to how you broke your finger.
If you've ever wondered what a shitshow is, just watch me at the bar on a Friday. Or Tuesday. Take your pick.
Blow job season was short but glorious.
I will read books by day and do guys by night. A mental and physical enlightenment, if you will.
I'm drunk doing an ab workout. I can only hope I make it to bed tonight.
We had a company shotgunning beers contest in the parking lot today, and I won. God bless America!
apparently in the middle of sex, i said "i just really love the food network i watch it every day"
I seriously just had to blow dry my thong.
Randomize
