he gave me an orgasm. multiple times. the weird stuff he did in middle school is now irrelevant.
Yeah, my mom walked in on us. Instead of yelling, she went and hid in the bathroom til we finished. It was pretty classy.
didn't know how to tell his mom I was confused about how long we'd been together because we banged for a full year before making it official
she got pretty angry when i tried to superglue her fingers together.
You SHOULD feel empty, we were at the top of our game, and by that i mean snorting things we don't understand and only a few steps away from adultery.
Complete silence. Background Willy Wonka music. An empty back of Lay's BBQ chips. These are the ingredients for an extreme acid trip.
How do I tell my Dad that in the picture he has of me and my brother as the background of his phone we were both rolling face on ecstasy?
i woke up and found a picture of his grandma in my purse.. im a kelpto
Explain the King Dong next to my face.
Idk dude I just feel kinda weird masturbating in my Obama Biden 2008 shirt...
On a happier note, I can fit in my old shorts. Dope does have its perks
I have never lost more friends than while playing Uno drunk.
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog
Ugh... The hoe gods giveth and the hoe gods taketh away.
Shit happens dude.
Shit doesn't just HAPPEN on the kitchen floor you asshole.
Randomize
