I hope you never procreate. Philly is already the ugliest city in the country.
Do you think people stop being hipsters when they're naked? because that's what my research shows.
Quoting wale wont save you from herpes
The worst part of it is that he's not the first man I've fucked with 2+ chihuahua's.
For some reason I knew you were going to smell like strippers and burritos when I hugged you.
I only put bad things in my body...jack, caffeine, chocolate, pills, and rich's cock. It's like being holistic but exactly opposite
Remember when I said "no boyfriend, no problems"? I lied. Tequila. Tequila is a problem.
"it's Wednesday" isn't a good enough excuse to take my debit card and use it for your own drunken needs. You owe me 250 bro
When I don't want to forget things I put them on my cigs.
C smoking isn't all bad
Just had a 40 min argument about how many celebrity guest appearances on Sesame Street were court ordered for DUIs.
Drunk yet?
Well I just did the worm on an empty dance floor while the bridesmaids were serving cake. You tell me.
8 stitches. Next time I decide to twerk while doing a keg stand, stop me.
and it's like......my shirt is off and he's talking about quidditch. why.
If all that ever happens between us is orgasms and dank memes, I think I'd be okay with that.
Are we at that level of friendship where we can share slutty stories and not hold it against the other person at a later date ?
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