Drinking non-alcoholic beer is like going down on your cousin.
Sure it tastes the same, but it ain't right.
I might be drunk enough to make out with you. You don't want to miss this unique opportunity.
Baconater + red wine = first meal of the day
I wish you could order shots online.
I told him to go down on me and when he did he started crying!! I asked him why and he said my vag looked just like his ex girlfriends!!!
My vagina has become a graveyard for my brother's friendships...
I'm drunk on a monday night. Not a good start to finals week
I picked up a chick last night on crutches wearing a I am boobman tshirt. I love raves.
There's no winning that game with me. It's either "Can I walk home at the end of the night," or "am I throwing up trying to sleep in the front yard." Rules are irrelevant.
I was wondering why are people staring at me til I realized I was bra-less with a lei around my neck
So, I never imagined myself puking on the side of the road at 10:30 this morning to Lynyrd Skynyrd but here I am.
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
He made me come so hard I punched another hole in the wall mid orgasm.
I'm not fixing this one for you. Do it your own damn self.
In order to get rid of my bladder infections I must give up caffeine, nicotine and tight pants. It's like my pussy is an angry dictator or something
Rich men love me! I remind them of their trophy wife!!!
Randomize
