Everytime I think about NYE, my gag reflex kicks in.
I have no idea what happened last night, but you're the only person I remember smashing my face into. Be honored.
This does no justice to the amount of paint I'm covered in or the amount of balls I'm tripping.
all I heard when I woke up this morning was "BONG HITS FOR BREAKFAST" being yelled repeatedly.
They told me you were taking cheese cube shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce... Is this true?
Sorry my moustache came off because I was face first in a layered bucket full of jello shots.
Just found a g string in our driveway, wtf happened this weekend?
i woke up in his neighbors pool house. Not sure how I got here but there is people swimming outside. how do I escape?
just fucking run.
I just told him he had gained a new brother. He immediately knew I meant the eskimo kind.
It's like rock paper scissors. Cold showers and smoking beat hangovers.
I truly just stopped puking in my 730 am calculus class, looked up, corrected my professor, then resumed puking my eyes out. He was both impressed and disgusted.
Although can we find me a starter dick? I don't want security showing up again. That was awkward.
I was too hungover to sit up and pull the curtains closed so I did it with my toes
You're so sweet in the most vulgar ways
i passed out in front of ihop...for the second night in a row. i think i need to reevaluate my life choices
Randomize
