wasted. watching meteors, awesome idea i ever had, see 2 for every 1 with ma double vision
I don't want end up bound and gagged in the back of a van headed for rehab. Bound and gagged OK. Just not the rehab part.
Whatever. I'm saving myself for my wedding night or a night with enough patron.
the party was called freshmen disorientation. i was just following the theme
THERE ARE SO MANY GREAT DICKS IN THE WORLD. HOW DID I NOT DISCOVER THIS SOONER!?
Oh you're gonna love this story. I almost cut off a little girl's pony tail.
Why isn't there a sort by hair color option on Facebook? It would make stalking much easier.
I passed out with my wizard stick taped to my hands and got woken up being poked with a St. Bernard
we're going to the olympic park to run the 100m yeaaaahhh
it's 3am. Nothing could possibly go wrong here.
Either I'm too drunk or she gave me a hand job to the rhythm of jingle bells.
I'm busy watching infomercials. I'd say I'll join you later, but I'm doing a shot every time they demonstrate how difficult life is WITHOUT this product. So I doubt I'll be able to walk in another... Maybe 40 minutes.
But feel free to join! A new infomercial starts in 12 minutes.
Oh my god. That was the best half-hour of my life that didn't involve genitals.
I saw a classic trojan enz laying on his desk. So he's probably not into the kinky shit.
She's relieving herself in the laundry room. I'm really hoping there's a toilet in there...
I'm sitting in the hospital with him while he's still half drunk with a busted leg because he thought he could do parkour off a rock
Randomize
