I always figured rock bottom would've involved more hookers
oh my god. were standing in the kitchen and were chanting "EYEBROWS" and shaving peoples eyebrows. I have work tomorrow and want to keep my eyebrows.
I feel like his penis would have a weird haircut because he does.
Jsyk, in serious talks of trading blowjobs for soup in bed. I'm sober
Another memory: We offered for a stranger to live in our house under the condition that he took the garbage out because it's a 'blue' job.
We are the best.
Ps. We need to take the garbage out.
I'm still in my ugly sweater and underwear drinking coffee next to a plate of assorted treats we stole from the party. I got a new sweater by the way, its shoulderpad-y and looks like a news anchor got thrown up on by Liberace. I'm pretty proud.
I damn near set my vagina on fire. WHILE The Flaming Lips played in the background. Intensely apropos.
I'll have you know my trust issues and my daddy issues are two COMPLETELY different topics of conversation.
It would seem she's painting a bullseye right in between her legs
So I just bought e from my sophomore home ec teacher. How's your weekend going?
don't do it for the experience, do it for the story. now get your ass in that bedroom
Awkward is sitting in your parking spot and making eye contact with every one of your next door neighbors two hours before you have a threesome.
So, I woke up under a table with an alarm clock on my face, my hair in a bag of popcorn, and my phone charger wrapped around me.. what happened?
Its like your face is a pile of corn and I'm a chicken
...What??
What are you feeling right now?
Idk. I just flashed a porch 🤷🏼♀️
So not in the best place to do an emotional inventory
Randomize
