CNN just did a special on how to do heroin safely.. I recorded it for us
I trust that you have thought of something completely illegal for us to do this weekend.
Woke up this morning to my mom on the phone with my dad saying, "It's probably just your prostate." Reasons to move out. Go.
Chipotle chips and wine for breakfast. Its def game day
She told me she wanted to wax my ass. I'm terrified and oddly aroused.
Pretty sure the cab driver can even smell the sex coming from between my legs
I worked so hard to shave everything last night. EVERYTHING. He WILL be answering my phone calls. Otherwise he's passing up awesome random birthday sex.
I was doing drugs in the men's room so my employee went in to the woman's for the same reason but left proof and got caught. Had to fire him cuz I bogarted his dope spot. Awesome.
hey the jello shots wont freeze
How much Everclear did you put in them?
uhhh all of it
i could have been the DD. this is ridiculous. i'm the most sober and getting the least ass.
I'm not saying I haven't been that drunk. I'm just saying I haven't been that drunk and then have cops buy me shots.
That's the kind of activity you can only get away with by wearing a lion codpiece
Some toppless girl just walked past me in the hall and gave me half a carton of smokes. I have never been more aroused.
So I definitely tried to pay a cab with baseball tickets last night
Currently looking up Winnie-the-Pooh porn.
Randomize
