I admire the strength of friendship we have that allows for sharing husbands.
I couldn't remember if it was hamsters or Iraq that you hated. I'm so sorry.
Then she yelled something like "YOU HAVE SO MANY FORKS!" before collapsing on the floor
I need to have sex with you on our hotel room window ledge... This is a need not a request.
But he made me breakfast and understands the fuck sleep fuck sleep necessities
Dude shes not that fat. Plus, last night I probably would've done it too.
It was like you were trying to communicate only you were using every letter of the alphabet but in no order and in a different language
Nope if you can't be there for me emotionally, then my vagina can't be there for you physically. That's my rule.
Of course not. I'd be offended if you didn't bring my boobs into casual conversation.
I don't know what to say to that. All I know is my vagina is trying to jump through the phone.
Fuck I am so excited for the first time I can make someone call me Doctor Nikki during sex after I finish my PhD
Happy 4th. Did you guys get your syphilis thing taken care of?
Alas my dad DD'd me. Legit cock blocked to the highest degree
That's not "anything", that's you deep throating a mozzarella stick.
He has no idea he’s my boyfriend.
Randomize
