So he thought it would be a nice gesture to show me his list of girls he fucked. There was 70. We then went through and put "V"'s next to all the ones that were virgins...
she pooped in my shower. pooped. woke me up and said she thought she farted but it wasnt a fart i went back 2 sleep and found it hours later. no longer hooking up w chicks my moms age.
Puked on a Tom Jones impersonator on the strip
He said I was like bonnie and clyde all rolled into one but twice as trashy and 75% less clothes...
He obviously understands you completely.
Nope it's him. He's whispering to himself and buying asparagus.
You'll be the guy with the raft that sells burritos on the river. You'd be legendary.
There was an awkward moment where I was going for his cock and he reach out and held my hand, thinking that what I was doing
I wish I could but I can't. No beer pong or sex on a hammock...such an unproductive weekend
He rolled up to the party in an ice cream truck. He was definitely my first priority
It gave me the St Patrick's Day nickname Slutty McShitfaced. I've never felt so understood.
Maybe not Elvis quality pharmaceuticals...But some good stuff
I just turned down a booty call because I'm having a Star Wars movie marathon
Yeah I know my dick is weird, but I've surprisingly had a lot of fun with it.
So now your dad has seen my tits. You could have told me he was coming by to help paint.
I didn't think you'd be painting the kitchen topless.
I couldn't find a shirt I was willing to ruin.
Wait... where the hell did you even find a live OCTOPUS, let alone green eggs and ham?
Randomize
