i wish i could watch tv and lissten to music at the same time...but still understand both
i think otters can do that
I told them you could toss a salad like wolfgang puck
she wrote "SORRY" in her vomit and left
No joke. Last we saw of him he was naked and dragging that stupid goat into the bushes.
we just plugged the camera up to the big screen. would you like to come see what you did last night, in high definition?
I'm just saying, asking "Are you happy with me?" during a handjob is simply unfair and scientifically inadmissiable.
The bank teller laughed at me....I'm apparently that fucking hungover looking
All I wanted was my $85. Judgement free. But nooooo
i can't believe you just compared my dick to leprosy
It's official, no more fat chicks or even close to that, my balls are 2 dimentional
I'm gonna let my dick speak for itself from now on. Seriously, it's always recruiting for me even after 6 hours of drinking.
holy fuck man...it feels like I got beat the fuck out of by death's baseball bat...chimichangas?
He showed up at my door at 3 AM wearing a Santa hat with a tiara attached.
I think there's a problem with society when I'm shopping for lingerie and I think "man some of these would make kickass shirts"
Rigtt?!
if wiping your ass w an envelope isnt the definition of hitting "financial rock bottom " then nothing is!
We made out in front of everyone INCLUDING his girlfriend. And no one saw. THAT DRUNK!
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