Its not drinking alone if you got Tiger on the Wii.
I'm curled up in a ball on the floor of my office with the lights off. I hope no one notices. No more open bar. Woof.
genius alert. I just invented a contraption made of toilet paper and rubber bands that makes it so your balls don't stick to your leg when you wake up from sleeping. I call it, The Balldozer
I miss Michael Jackson so much sometimes
I'm not a pervert.. I just like to be naked...
I'm fighting fire with fire. When my parents interrogate me about what I was doing last night, I tell them the truth. Every disgusting, awkward detail. I'm 23 now and they need to get used to it.
All I remember is lecturing my dog about how she's a lucky bitch to have a structured eating and shitting schedule.
Watermelon juice. Makes everything better. Gin. Wine. EVERYTHING.
I better not get a vid of you penile helicoptering
He hasn't responded in 6 hours and the last thing he sent me was a picture of 7 grams of coke. I'm getting kinda worried
I don't know which I need first...a shower or a confessional.
Ugh im hungover from last night, and to top it all off, I think someone jacked my laptop.
umm ya, so we found it in the oven wrapped in a pillow case this morning
I love FaceTime, every time you ring me the morning after its like I went home with your one night stand too.
roommates are droppin acid, i really should stop them from staring directly at the light bulb, but their giggles are so enchanting.
Congratulations you now have a pet Scotsman.
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