i have a new swear word: supercalifuckaliciousexpialadamnit
Just dropped $150 at the liquor store. No power and two feet of snow has taken my alcoholism to another level.
I thought we agreed I wasn't a screamer?
shes in my pool wearing only floaties on her arms ill have to raincheck watching march madness with you guys sorry
My mom is purposely blasting Shania Twain downstairs so I can't jack off.
there is something about beer and popsicles that make the world go round
I'm sorry. I just realized our 'big night out' ended up being you driving my high ass to get burritos and back.
I just want my birth control to stop making me feel like I'm watching baby seals get clubbed to death any time anything even remotely unpleasant happens lol
Drunkenly tried to auction off Merik's pancakes at Ihop. Apparently I make a great auctioneer. Also, no one wants 30 cent pancakes.
Also I think I realized when my life started to turn into shambles.. The day I took my high school senior picture WITH A HICKEY ON MY NECK
is buying liquor on my lunch break too aggressive?
So the remote for the camera in the photo booth must have gotten dropped on the floor. while you were in there. having a threesome. on the floor of the room where my parents stay when they visit me. so thanks.
Why am I sleeping on top of the fridge?
You were playing hide and seek with the dog. she couldn't find you and you passed out.
I woke up on the couch screaming in pain. I don't know how ended up there or why my foot was double the size. all I know is I'm now in a cast and never drinking tequila again. worst hangover ever.
Note to self: I can rip apart her vagina and she'll still cuddle with me, but if I steal her Chapstick she'll murder me !?
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