I woke up this morning naked, with a to-go box from Qdoba, an entire meal completely untouched. I have been piecing together my night to find some answers. I feel like Nancy Drew.
just jacked off in the bed i was conceived in.
just cuze she's 16 doesn't mean it's illegal to add her on facebook
hungover + watching bobsledding = i just puked
woke up with withdrawal cold sweats this morning. spring break must really be over.
spotted: something called the tunnel of opression. i feel like if we patricipated we wouldnt even be phased or we could run it better than them
I can't tell if I'm hungover or if my cat just knocked the lamp on my face
Thanks to a poorly written tweet a whole bunch of people thought I died last night.
Did you just send me an ass picture with a quote from the lion king?
What are you gonna do about it?
If I get one more "oh yaaaaa he changed your oil" texts, I'm gonna lose my shit
I am NOT pregnant
My barren womb can FUCK WHOEVER I want
I wish period tracker had a "on this day" also so i can see who i was with this day last year.
so.. he paid for my flight to vegas, took me to shows, bought my drinks and STILL rescued my drunk ass after i ditched him. i HAD to cuddle with him this morning.. fair exchange, right?!
It's a charity event and she's wearing a cocktail dress drinking a 40... I found my future wife
We'll handle his penis the same way we handle day drinking; together.
Randomize
