Jake just asked if thanksgiving was an american thing...I left the table
so i never found you. but i found vodka. so its kinda the same
got so drunk i was kicked out of my own birthday party and tried taking a bottle of vodka with me
Changed it back. Somehow I didn't think my profile pic should be me shirtless on ecstasy, ya know?
I made out with him with my retainers in. My drunken hook-ups get lazier and lazier.
I went to the haunted house just to see her - Hello new fetish!
No, no... it's pale and surrounded by awkward, curly, red hair. It's the Ronald McDonald of penises.
maybe these stereotypes wouldn't come up if you would stop taking body shots off another
Got high with dad and hunted squirrels in the basement. Is this seriously what my life has come to?
I drank beer out of some sort of animal horn all night, then we fucked to a "viking metal" album. I feel like I should go pillage something to complete the Norse trifecta.
My life hurts
I woke up 30 minutes away from the bar, my car was at a train station, and when I got home all I got was the speechless head shake
okay yeah but you've seen me eat jambalaya naked
I attempted to walk home at 5:30 this morning cuz i was mad at him cuz he didn't want to cuddle and didn't have pizza. I got 3 houses down n fell over.
The fact that you cheered yourself on while you puked saying it was your first college puke, blacked out, and sang taylor swift to the toilet confirms the fact that we are related. I've never been more proud.
oh dont worry mom i am not sick my cough is from a recent increase in recreational drug use
that will happen
Randomize
