Just found my girlfriend's stash of animated Japanese porn
And to think, I actually considered breaking up with her
Met some locals. They are taking me to a place where there is topless bullriding. I love this country.
i wrote her a fucking poem. i better get laid for that
just woke up in the hotel with gummi bears all around me and someone took the tv
we took the tv and as for the gummi bears don't eat them you put em in her vagina
Note to self: don't jizz on a surface cleaned with Tilex. It WILL turn purple.
Ok I'm good with that cause I'm gonna disappear for 90 days
Are you goin to rehab again?
Remind me to call McDonald's to give a good review of Ruth. She truly demonstrated grace under pressure.
All I know is I was dancing to Shakira in his alley and I think rubbing my junk on his car door.
so getting blacked out last night has made my lips so beautifully red for pictures today... and they say nothing good comes from alcohol
I now have a other guy willing to drive 3 hours for my vagina. At my next gyno appointment I'm asking her if there's cocaine in there.
If you had been home 20 minutes ago, you probably would've caught me masturbating, so it might be for the best.
Morning fuck and a coffee. ARE YOU READY TO CONQUER THE GALAXY WITH ME??
I'm no longer puke free since 2013 am I.
Like, my vagina is jet-lagged.
look, bitch. one day when everyone i care about deserts me for my severe moral depravity, you're going to be the only one i have.
i can't wait.
Randomize
