Thanks for not cleaning the drain like you were supposed to. I just vomited in the shower and I had to stand in it until I was done conditioning.
And I was somehow convinced to wash the glassware at the bar topless.
let's be real here, you have a beautiful vagina. this kid is a doctors son. that's a remedy for beautiful rich grandkids. he is just trying water his family tree, and make sure he doesn't end up in some piece of shit adult home. go for it.
I can feel his 12 year old sister"s eyes barreling into my soul everytime I'm at there house..some how she knows I'm cheating on her brother or she's mad cause I stole her shirt.
Please stop hiding condoms in my house. If I want to have sex with you, I will let you know. FYI, my mom found the ones hidden behind the milk. She was not happy.
230 lb girl across the train from me is giving a dude in a kilt a handjob while he sits in her lap
You work today? I woke up with a raging boner that was whispering your name
I found an inside smoking lounge. I'll be here for the next 4 hours. A nice old Canadian lady has befriended me and let me use her lighter. Fuck Hartsfield-Jackson AND this layover. I win.
She walks around topless and loves making sandwiches. That's how a one-night stand turned intoa relationship
I've got a 90 day supply of amoxicillin in case of zombie or chlamydia outbreak
Can you not touch my dick while I'm holding a gecko?
I'm actually kind of scared about the prospect of us living together. We're just going to eat pizza and drink wine before retiring to our rooms with vibrators
Nothing has ever been more true. Ever.
Did you ever think you lost your bong and then you find it in the weirdest place? I mean, who leaves their bong in the shower?
And the next thing I knew I was blowing this random hot italian bartender with an uncircumcised penis in his work closet
He's a fucking ninja- think of the things he can probably do with his dick.
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