i get tired of guys telling me there married or they have a girlfriend. they act like it concerns or matters to me
She wouldn't stop saying her own name. Like a damn pokemon.
Our relationship just reached the stage where i can touch her boobs while making a honking noise without getting hit in the face
lets be honest. she's not NEARLY as much fun to fb creep since she got out of rehab...
I suppose drinking a cosmo at lunch alone can't look good but I mean... sometimes it's just necessary
THEY'RE. IN. YOUR. BED. THEY RANDOMLY SHOW UP. AND GET IN YOUR BED.
Turned on my GPS and all that it said in the search bar was "beer,"
our jesse-walt dynamic is actualy really perfect because i want to start a small time drug empire and you want to get high a lot its very accurate
We didn't mean to put a petting zoo in the elevator.
my only goal for the semester is never go to my wednesday class sober
My loniness meter has reached its peak. I just played shadow puppets using my Big Mac on the wall with my cats
We dont have cups... so were doing shots out of bowls like puppies
I should probably just LinkedIn request everyone I've ever slept with so they stop popping up on my suggested connections list
he asked me why I let you steal the gnome, and you jumped out of the bathroom, yelled "you know why!" and ran outside with said gnome
just caught myself putting beer in the oven and pizza in the fridge. i should be a trainwreck by tonight.
Randomize
