i gave him head before the novacaine wore off...i think his penis touched my lung
ya and he came three minutes into it because he didnt have sex all summer
oh that makes more sense i knew you arent that good
I trust that you have thought of something completely illegal for us to do this weekend.
I thought it was kinda weird that her ten yearold sister was playing bartender, but hey, the girl makes a damn good drink
I woke up in a place I've never been before, with people I've never met before using me as a table for domino's.
Is it weird to say that getting an std with you was kinda romantic?
Pretty sure I just shit out pure stomach acid. I'll explain after you take me to a hospital
You might have crossed the line by jerking off while she was in the bathroom taking a prego test. Just saying
Im pretty sure that girl just said "Im taking you home even if your girlfriend has to come too." Why are we here again?
At first it will make you think "how is this physically possible?" and then it will ruin an entire food group for you.
he stopped mid makeout and said "can I pray for you?"
I got home and found him passed out in my tank top so i think i'll put lipstick on him and mass text a picture to everyone in his phone. that's what he gets for eating all my wheat thins
You made me take you back to Mcdonalds so you could yell at the guy for not giving you enough ketchup packets
I vaguely recall french fries...
You then proceeded to call your mom and tell her you weren't coming home because you were "tripping balls"
Sweet...
I remember you banged her while I was dying on your couch, so good call
Dude it's unhealthy how much I love vagina in my face
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