Her facebook status is 'PERCS ON DECKKK~' which is probably why she still lives with her parents.
you act like breakfast cereal isnt an entirely appropriate chaser
I fucked her and then she made me sleep on the floor next to her bed because she 'has a committment problem'
When I found her she was drinking wine out of a plastic bag in a bathroom stall, staring at herself in the mirror and crying hysterically. Cabo does things to a person...
Oh yes. Made out with a grandmother..... she had fake boobs and it was 330am. That makes it okay.
Mardi gras at its finest.
Also I'm very proud of th fact that I walked my dog before bed. Drunk dog walking should be an Olympic sport; it takes SKILLS.
When you text me tomorrow to remind me to mail your parking pass, also remind me to make sure i did NOT pack my vibrator for this family vacation
he's the second guy to suck on my nipple in front of my friends that i haven't made out with.
Was just messaged by someone in a Power Ranger suit on OkCupid... Figured you would approve
What happened to no more shots?
It went out the window just like my dreams
Now you can NEVER tell anyone that on thanksgiving I took a selfie of my pussy to prove they don't get worse with babies.
Pretty sure by 1p, she had fucked all of my bodily fluids out of me. I'm now trying to replace them with bourbon so 2016 is turning out pretty good.
Things that have happened since you moved: Lemmy, Bowie, Snape, Prince, civility, democracy, Carrie Fisher, all dead. Record flooding down here. Twice. This is clearly your fault.
have fuck
*fun
actually forget it have a fuck too it'll do you good
That married penis I’ve been riding offered to pay off my student loans. I was going to break it off because he has lousy stamina. Is being debt free worth putting up with mediocre sex?
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