like if someone fucked a dictionary but instead of having a penis, it was just one of those leap frog educational toys
I hope to god you are high
i just heard the ice cream truck outside while mid-masturbation. i stopped and considered running outside to buy one.
soo apparently i was out of money so i stayed in the bathroom for an hour-ish passing out paper towels for money..needless to say i got kicked out
besides im still about 80% sure that im eskimo brothers with jerry springer
I found this letter on my leg this morning "dear sober self- we are one body now. It's weird but get used to it because it already happened" who the fuck is lionman?
Her idea of kinky involved a tazer
wtf?
I'm going back tonight
I don't know but someone, somewhere gave someone a hand job and someone else was pissed about it...
There is a drunk marine passed out on my porch. Mandy wouldn't sleep with him, Can you please come remove him?
Rainbow fish was a wild success, got wasted at 6 gave away most my scales and made out with max from where the wild things are.You'd be so proud
I'll just save you what dignity you have left by letting what happened die with your lack of memory and/or liver.
I feel like weed makes my smarter. I'm watching the stocks and the way I understand if, do not invest in Yahoo right now because they are not fit for that.
I have no idea how but i got a hold of a blue food dye packet. And proceeded to rub it all over my tits. So yeah i'd say its safe to say i'll be known as smurfette for a while
When we started the night I was in zebra wedges & she was in my black boots... I woke up wearing pink flip flops & the mirror on my rental is fuxked up. Wtf happened last night?
how did i manage to wake up with my bra on backwards?
Pandora played an ad for a free trial for an abortion pill if you’ve had unprotected sex in the last 2-3 days and then Lucky came on... I literally am dying laughing
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