Apparently I masturbate in my sleep now.
i got us presents. or arrested. we shall see!
She's a freak. I've got the scars to prove it.
Well, i'm not sure how that works so i wish both you and your vagina luck on your voyage.
He called his prostate his "boner button".
Just walked in on my older brother getting a bj. He told the girl to "keep going" and then attempted to high five me
Remind me never to take that much Vicodin ever again. I laid in bed measuring my heart rate for an hour and a half because I was afraid it would stop.
In the middle of the State of the Union, she unzipped my pants and started giving me head. I've never been so proud to be an American.
Starting the weekend with a pair of pants on which the zipper wont stay up. Is this a sign of things to come??
please tell me we weren't that bad as freshmen
i can't, we're worse now
dont eat that thats our sex nutella.
New drinking game: Drink while you Drink. I'll explain the rules when I see you, needless to say, it's not difficult. Unless you enjoy sobriety, humanity and life. Bestest.
How do I say "I still wanna hook up w you but I don't wanna see your penis via text ever again" through a snapchat
So I missed the eclipse because I was masturbating.
Drunk. Come get me. Out front blue shirt.
Where are you? And you borrowed my shirt. I know what you're wearing. How wasted are you?
Hotel
WHICH HOTEL??
Randomize
