I just saw a hot homeless man
Grinding on my ninth grade teacher. Dreams really do come true
i know, but like... i wanna be a CLASSY i'm-stealing-your-date kind of slutty...
I wish alcohol would automatically work as birth control if you have sex drunk.
He had a huge mole on his dick. Genetics has cockblocked him for life.
I was just handed a mimosa the size of my head. Stay tuned.
His dick might not be the answer to my problems, but I'm definitely ok with testing it as a possible solution.
She tags her boyfriend in all of her pictures on her heart...
he said that he wanted to outsmoke the rain, I don't know what that means but I'm gonna go help him
He kept coming back from the bar with hotter girls and just left with two...I feel like I just witnessed something amaZing. Like meeting Jesus and finding out he has no morals either
I knew it would be an interesting night when he showed up at my house on a scooter wearing a six foot american flag as a cape.
You were talking to yourself and eating cold cuts in the kitchen when I found you
Let me atleast have my coffee before you start talking about your penis
He was calculating the number of ceiling tiles when I was on top it was fucking rain man.
A girl I had a drunken hook up with is on interventon right now
Randomize
