but i really can't criticize. i blacked out waaaaaay ahead of schedule.
Sex has been so nonexistent lately that when I was masturbating the other day, I actually paused to yawn.
Making my coffee at work this morning let out a jack daniels fark. Turn around and see the quiet guy making his breakfast
Her sex list was a LOT longer than mine. She tried to justify it by saying '4 of those don't count because they were in the gang bang'.
um, yes. it's my birthday, of course there will be acid.
We made a bong out of a plastic football. I can honestly say we make a good team.
Finished my senior thesis. How am I celebrating you ask? By drinking gas station white zif out of an empty candle holder by myself. I fucking deserve to graduate.
He called himself Jesus all night but I'm not sure if that's his real name or not
I just folded my boss's lingerie. I need a drink and a raise
oh my god. picked the worst day ever to not wear underwear...
I'm just gonna stop you right there because there is, in fact, no such thing.
Meanwhile I'm googling glory holes in Vegas
quick, give me some iron man trivia, i'm going to make this girl regret quoting tony stark in her tinder bio
You then played what you called "a smooth jazz rendition of talk dirty to me" all thrusting your crotch at the bartender. Mom looked horrified, but my dad couldn't stop laughing
It's all fun and games until you have to pay the bar tab.
She wants to have a threesome with Taylor Swift. I think this is the kind of love my grandparents spoke of.
Randomize
