You dirty dirty liar I like the way you twitter
Ummmm yeah ..,.. All three girlfriends I have right now are chatting with each other at the party...... I'll see you on the other side
how are you not completely traumatized after 8 years of friendship with me?
She just said she wanted to get freaky and left the room. I'm almost certain I just heard the microwave.
She said I wasn't helping her abandonment issues by not responding to her texts at 4 am
i wont go near him until the smell goes away , and he takes the chex mix box off his head.
I distinctly recall there being a "I can't be dead 2maro" stipulation to going out last night. There's been a breech of contract
If i pass out for a while at graduation, please atleast TRY to wake me?
Call me when you get back form court. Hopefully its not later than noon. Just remember..win or lose we still booze.
Would it be tacky of me to tell the two girls I just found out he's been sleeping with on the side that I've been having gay sex with him all semester?
No padding. I spent my whole summer with my nips out. October don't need that too.
Oh, honey. If you're seeing a girl just for the sex, never doubt that she knows and she's doing the same thing. We're not stupid, we're just craftier than you.
A little boy in a bathroom stall just shouted "mom where's your penis?? Is it inside you?"
You know it's a bad cold when sneezing feels better than orgasming...
I would give away three of my own ribs to be able to eat myself out.
...ew
Randomize
