remember when you found twisted pleasure condoms in my parents bathroom? theyre gone.
We made the pizza boy do Jell-o shots with us. He didn't even deliver to our house, we just called him over from the neighbors
Things are burning & the world smells of peanut butter. It's beautiful.
Just because you graduated a semester early, doesn't mean you can take a semester off of drinking. Sorry.
Think of it this way, instead of a puppy, we're getting a baby.
We need to drink more. Just think how awesome it would be to wake up in a trailer and NOT remember how wee got here.
WE SHOULD MAKE A WORKOUT ROUTINE CALLED BARCARDIO
So many Oreos I'm regretting this decision already but I'm happy at the same time...The straddle is real
Struggle. Not straddle. I'm not straddling anyone.
I don't know if you've ever seen a group of 20 year olds reenact a rectal prolapse, but 'majestic' isn't really the word I'd use...
No more house parties. We're almost fucking 30 years old and I slept until 6 pm.
ayo
its like you know when i get waxed
I snuck in through the doggy door to get his vodka. Do you think my ex will know?
My vagina just clenched in fear
I just ate part of my sock, this has got to stop.
You got up in the middle of a sentence, puked, came out and poured another glass of wine and continued your story.
Randomize
