i should write a book entitled 'the joys of being sexually objectified'
ugh.. my birth control just came out of my nose. wtf?
So for two years my friend Mark has been building a catapult in his basement. Yesterday he realized it's too big to get it out.
You need to give me a reason immediately why he is your friend.
I miss Michael Jackson so much sometimes
when i asked what day 420 fell on this year, she answered so quickly i knew i found my soulmate.
I forgot how few teeth there are in this state...
1.) You left the rest of your whiskey here 2.) I drank your whiskey 3.) then made a steam roller out of the bottle 4.) Everything tastes like whiskey
Well if were past the bullshitting stage yes if not then no I'm not that kind of guy
I will be your sherpa up the mountain of gayness
we're a generation of lazy underachieving stoners and uncreative overachieving automatons. you're golden
I woke up on his couch and my bra was flung across the floor and filled with animal crackers
Let's be honest, I am pretty sketchy looking.
He was stoned laying on my bed singing I'm a little tea cup while I took a pregnancy test. Thank god it was negative.
I made him leave to get me chicken nuggets so I could have sex with his roommate
MY MOM WALKED IN WHILE I WAS EATING THEM OUT AND STARTED ASKING US ABOUT THE PROJECT RUNWAY EPISODE WE WERE WATCHING EARLIER
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