I texted her sayin "I gotta brush my teethn then Im omw" maybe hint to do the same
I think i found piece of your tooth in my dick this morning when i took a shower
apparently my insurance doesn't cover road head. Bummer.
I had to call maintenance to come unclog the toilet.
Something to remember me by.
I never thought I would be having sex behind a shower curtain that wasn't in a bathroom.
Today is going to be the longest game of "was that a fart, or do I need to go wipe?" I have ever played. Maybe the most challenging too.
I told my doctor about us having twin chlamydia
Selling our snow shovel to buy more beer. Not your brightest idea.
Lexi was drunk enough at 2pm to say "fuck tom brady and fuck you too" to literally every person at the store in Pats attire.
We were having margaritas and I was saying "back when I was drinking..." They looked all confused. Then I realized "holy shit they think THIS is drinking?"
Shower wine is way better than shower beer.
Wanna go get tea? Warning: I will be high in an hour.
Lucky bitch I'm at work covered in Jeff pee. And my hair smells like beer because I was trying to prove a point about PBR serving multiple purposes.
You'll be pleased to know I just had an elaborate day dream about your penis. you were there too.
I'm just bringing him "breakfast," and breakfast may lead to lunch and dinner, but that doesn't mean I want the mealplan.
Randomize
