My drunk dialing habit needs to go. My drunk habit can stay though.
I gave him a handjob while watching the presidential address. Needless to say, it was weird.
He woke me up at 4am just to lick my nipple. Then he talked in his sleep for 20 minutes about the sex we just had. I think it's safe to say he's a weird one, but I dont care cuz he fucks like a champ.
I wish I could go about my daily activities with his dick inside me
Just an FYI: The offer for you to come snow blow my driveway in return for sexual favors is still on the table
I'm covered in egg mcmuffin wrappers and my room smells like dead hooker.
I am far too hungover to deal with the fact I can hear you masturbating in the bathroom.
Everyone was passed out so I turned off the lights and locked all the doors. I also took the chicken sandwich in the microwave as payment.
No memories of receiving this. Or of getting home. Or of apparently developing a taste for marmalade, which I assume is yours because I have literally never eaten it before. It's all over the kitchen. And my phone. And in my hair. Oh god I wish I wasn't on the train to work. X And sorry about the kitchen x
Not sure if creeper guy is too drunk to talk or I'm too high to listen.
I got a blow torch for Christmas. You are now permitted to be afraid.
Sounds like either a very good Friday night or a very bad Saturday morning.
he sent me a green and gold dick pic and advised me I needed to come drive the snake from Ireland.
I'm glad you had fun with your genitals.
He doesn't like Sabbath and that alone is a GIANT red flag. Learn from my experiences and never, I mean NEVER associate with people that hate Black Sabbath and Motörhead.
Randomize
