youre so sexy i want your bod
dude, did you turn gay?
heather?
this is jacob
Being hungover naked and coloring my hair. I guess I am not naked I have black latex gloves on. Give me a call.
im coming over.
i love how cold weather makes identifying sluts easier. is it below freezing? is she wearing a tube top? she's easy.
we were so high last night we were cutting bread with my iphone
You now know someone who has just successfully talked his way out of being arrested for breaking into the town library at midnight. Ive been home for too long.
I answered the door to some Jehovah Witnesses hungover and wearing nothing but a white tshirt. I think they made it the church goal to reform me, we've gotten four pamphlets. My mom's going to make me convert if they keep coming.
If you're asking how many times you took off your clothes and played with the tiki torches.....the answer is 3.
Next time she asks for a ride to her "cousins" house and it turns out to be a booty call we're charging her for each mile.
Can we just talk about how awesome I am. I just slept with a new guy while listening to the previous guys bands cd.
Only I could host a baby shower where the cops get called.
Because I chose to live vicariously through your uterus and you're letting me down right now.
Also either i just launched into space as a rocket or my legs just orgasmed, but i am high as a soul train
So it turns out high me is very efficient. I set 5 alarms to remind me to do things, i made mac and cheese, and i wrote a poem. I'm going places.
Dude, she was there with her husband and I was there with my wife. Of course we banged in the bathroom.
You know you started drinking too early in the day when you have a hangover at midnight
thats called having FUN
Randomize
