By getting ready I mean putting baby powder in my hair and possibly changing my pajamas to another pair of pajamas
this is the fifth day in a row i've woken up after 3 pm, hungover. I might die when snowmageddon is finally over and we have to go back to class. my liver wont know how to take it.
He just reenacted his orgasm in front of my roommates....using a squeeze bottle of mayonnaise.
Ever find yourself wondering if your life is God's way of telling a joke?
Seriously this night has "go home now before you cry, puke or scream on someone" written all over it.
I'm sorry you were dumb enough to get played by a male cheerleader
Driving a mountain pass in the middle of a blizzard with the worst vodka gummybear hangover ever is gods way of telling me to keep the black-outing within a 15 mile radius to my house.
Is this the girl that wrote "Poon Slayer" across my chest?!
no dude free pina colada`s taste like what I would expect my penis to taste like except gay-er.
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
You looked at me, said I was a nice guy. Then you drunkenly climbed on top of me and said you liked me and wanted me.
I know you're aving fun across the room but I can clearly see you getting a handy. It's not as "low key" as she promised. Also, why are you texting while she's doing it?!
This couch is so comfortable I can tell if it's like a waterbed or I pissed myself
Ultimate cock block. About to have sex and your mom calls you so you can go help your grandmother figure out how to vote for the voice on her iPad
He yanked my breathe right strip off in the middle of me riding him.
Randomize
