What do you do when the person in the stall next to you says they're jealous?
My roommate has every episode of Full House. I'm going to fail my midterm tomorrow.
She has her iPod in her ears slippers and sweats on and is walking around the house up and down the stairs getting "exercise" she just stopped for a water break
i found a twelve pack under my bed. and a six pack in my closet. I'm like a fucking alcoholic squirrel.
I can count the number of hours she's been sober this weekend on one hand.
it's official, after last weekend my girl number is higher than my guy number. fix this.
on my way to nyc to take a survey about my sexual activity. if you dont hear from me for a few days, assume they had me committed...
He just had a handle of vodka with ice in it yelling at people hot august night mother fuckaaaaa and was pouring it on his face
P.S. I just made up pleasure scepter for the purpose of that last message.
Like theyre better than no shoes. I'm sitting her balls naked playing xbox in nothing but crocs with the fur
Oh btw I learned how to say "my penis is a flamethrower" in German. Tonights gonna be fun
I'm pleased to know that your mom refers to me as "the ass piliager" now
I say "glasses of whiskey" like I didn't chug it out of the bottle
He had to put his grandma's photo away before I tied him to the bed. She doesn't need to see any of that.
I walked outside and found some random guy passed out on our front porch. We managed to acquire the 12 pack of lagers he had so it's all good.
Randomize
