If a girl drunk dials you she's at least entertained the idea of sleeping w/ you correct?
YES
Who goes to Church hungover
Those who weren't lucky enough to go still drunk
I just found a porn show called cleavagefield. no i am not watching.
I just looked at my iPhone gps history... "the gas station", "the park with a big scary fence", "the trampoline", and, my favorite, "where we were when we were about to do lines off a bible".
headbutted the bartender, tried to bite the bouncer, and pissed on a cops shoes. and i still got laid. god, it's good to be home
A 40 year old man just put his hands on my thighs and said in these exact words "you're so beautiful and gorgeous and innocent. But life sucks and you'll probably turn into a whore."
We woke up in the room with a hamburger patty on the bed side table, one bun across the room, and the other bun under my pillow. Still don't know who ordered room service.
I told you alcohol was flammable, but you didn't believe me until you tried to extinguish your sparkler by submerging it in vodka and the bottle burst into flames.
It has gotten to a point where I just want to sit on his face. Less butterflies, more orgasms.
Oh, that was the alley that I ate a pine cone in.
The hardest part about being a child of divorce is when you're at your dad's house but your condoms are at your mom's house.
Nobody feels the need to text me back. Men. And I sent myself a message saying nakedness. I'm all the man I need.
I think he's an actor
That's not a good enough reason to wear guy-liner
sorry for running off in the middle of that heart to heart. free food.
fyi my negative pregnancy test is taped to the fridge...i'll take it over an A+ any day. be proud.
Randomize
