May have just accidentally purchased an iphone on Kate's credit card. This has potential to be bad.
Small dicks are the new regular sized dicks.
this is never going to happen for me, I think he thinks I'm crazy
well you did scream "PLEASE! I'LL S YOUR D IN FRONT OF EVERYONE"
When you're opening a bottle of tequila with a golf club, it's probably time to stop drinking...
Dude. Remember the only two rules I set for that? Always have a sober friend and don't do drugs with a fat chick.
I had a moment while I was smoking where I was looking at these palm trees and I knew how dr Seuss came up with his characters.
Some clips from last night: grinded like I haven't since college. Took shots with a bartender with a bad ass mustache. Made up a string of lies with fake names and occupations. Slept behind the couch with pizza in my hand
Dude, I traded weed for crunch berries. Happy Thursday.
hes that one kid that offered to spoon after staring at me for 5 minutes
The last thing I remember is him yelling from across the room "WE FINISHED THE HANDLE!"
It was 11pm.
me + whiskey = a bad person
One minute we were playing beer pong, and the next minute I was sprinting to my apartment with a watermelon. wtf happened in between?
Im not sure if the cops that just came are strippers or actually cops
Haha idk you were stealing pizza dough at dominos
yea i'll help you find a man. but, when I say jump, you say on who.
Randomize
