So she couldn't stop dragging her teeth while she was blowing me.
Ahh dude, that fucking sucks, what'd you do about it?
Decided to drag my teeth while eating her out... She got the point.
Beer is about to convince me to do something really stupid.
We couldn't find him for like 4 hours. Turns out he was sitting under a tree and had thrown his phone in a lake because he couldn't figure out how to unlock it. Freshmen.
Let's enter the circle of trust. Are we there yet? Ok. If I somehow hypothetically slept with Amandas ex husband...on a scale of one to ten...how bad is that?
he asked me for a gerbil feeder full of alcohol
Just got a blow job while taking my online quiz. How is life in the dorms treating you?
Umm, ya, half our class is sitting in starbucks passing around flasks. Yes, flasks. Plural. Going to join them, we're all giving oral presentations in 20. Go hard or go home.
I did, I'm just saying. Once the drinking starts my nipples are no longer my control.
He says he won't get serious until he screws an Asian and a virgin. I should just place an ad on Craig's List
Wanted: female 18-24 of Asian or partial Asian descent to fuck my ginger boyfriend. Must be willing and able to fake virginity. No emotional connection needed, just sex, just once. Further contact post sex not needed (or particularly desired)
I need to pay that drinking in public ticket, but I also really want to get a spray tan next week... so priorities.
Hey, you can't rush the perfect creeper shot. I need buffer time to hone my skills.
Apparently nick called me at 3 in the morning looking for you because you ate your keys and ran away..do I need to call an ambulance.
How do you forget making out with a coworker in the dressing room at Sears on more than one occasion?
...object impermanence?
I'm laying in bed cuddling with my teddy bear and eating waffles. I need a fucking boyfriend
Our orgasm ration was 1:45. No. Fucking. Joke. I thought I was going to die.
Randomize
