my ass just sighed. even my farts are tired.
I remember having a drink with vegetables in it. They said it was a mojito, but it tasted like cabbage.
haha i love mojitos
ya and i hate cabbage
I feel like im in a tornado of daylight savings, tequila and death
I awoke in a cab to find myself on a ride to niagara falls. Apparently I paid the cab driver half up front.
I just watched her pee in a trashcan, im still probably going to fuck her, what does that say about my standards
I think I just fucked my first person born during the Clinton administration
It was all cool until he grabbed my vag and started screaming: THIS IS MINE.
Shits getting dirty between us in her dad's bedroom. I'm talking early millennium rap and r&b
I smell like icyhot and vodka... Heres to my pulled tendon.
He invited me over for shower sex and pizza. Officially the best booty call relationship around.
I just don't fit in here. The other wives are ten years older and have kids!
Well, you chose trophy wife of a 35 year old over college. Sit in your suburban soup and stew.
woke up to a family dragging me under their beach umbrella, they poured water on me bc they "thought I was dead" then fed me quesadillas and nursed me back to health... gotta love Cabo
I AHVE A WINE BUCKETTTTTTT
just curious, were the inflatable penis' received? Amazon says they were delivered.
Oh hello Jordan's parents, I'm here to have sex with your son. He's in the shower? Oh great, I'll join him
Randomize
