also i tucked his toothbrush in my shirt. why? i dont know.
We had sex in his tahoe, talked about how we don't love each other and then high fived twice. Best Day Ever
Just got laid for the first time in 3 yrs, 10 mo, 1 wk & 2 days. YESSSS.
Only time i ever look at my online banking statement is to see when i left the bar.
I hereby state that I am over the age of 18. If I am not of age to purchase or consume alcohol products, I hereby acknowledge that I have not received any alcohol products from said party host. Also, in the event of injury or death, said party host is not to be held accountable. Please reply with your full name and today's date for your e-signature". *note: no text, no entry.*
Sorry bro, just a precaution. You know, ever since the "Jake incident". What a douche.
he tried to do a one handed cartwheel to showoff but knocked himself out cold. fuckin jagerbombs will kill that man.
So burnt out. Like weed hangover. And someone just fell through the ceiling outside of my class. How's your morning going?
I literally just got propositioned by a sugar daddy.
OUR DREAMS ARE BEING REALIZED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I don't want anything to do with the Darth Vader stripper babe. I'm just trying to make dreams come true.
Like I actually don't feel all that great but the fact that I'm not projectile vomiting at work makes life seem so magical
Alex I've come up with a new medical condition. dick depression. it's a real thing and I have it
I'm recovering from the blowjob...She's doing her taxes...
I'm eating a bagel on the toilet and watching porn. Trust me, I've got my priorities straight.
He just kept repeating "It was like meep meep meep on my balls."
I'm actually on the verge of cancelling a booty call because I have an early meeting tomorrow. If this is what adulthood is going to be like, I'll pass.
Randomize
