This morning when you woke up you looked like one of the Wii Bowling people. I think it was the eyebrows combined with the sambuca
I mean i stumbled out of the club yelling at random people" I"M GOING TO TEACH YOUR KIDS SOMEDAY!!"
And thats what homeschooling is for
This guy behind me is answering all of her questions. I may give him a lapdance to take my next test for me
She challenged me to a game of rock-paper-scissors for her virginity. I love this girl.
im not gonna bother asking u how it was... we could hear u through the walls
All I learned from that experience was that drinking scotch out of a crunk goblet was bad news.
These headphones make me feel like I'm sitting on John Mayers lap and he's singing just to me. I picture like a pitch black room with a single spotlight on us. Also, convinced Kyle to give me percocet soo.
He came in my nose, then said it would help clear my sinuses.
Pretty sure he sprained my tongue. This is why you don't hook up with gingers.
You put Smirnoff in your grape juice and called it communion...
I am pretty damn sure that neither my body or his body is ready for how drunk I am getting tonight
Invited the whole bar back to my place for an after party.....shit got real with everyone seeing dad drink moonshine like a champ.
I bet the guy on the treadmill next to me with the noise-canceling headphones wishes he could trade them for smell-canceling noseplugs. Hard to believe that last one did not involve any pants-shitting on my part.
Banged my ex-wife last night...so I belong to that club now.
So uh. Your future in porn. Would you be willing to wear an alien costume for it?
Randomize
