Spring semester is just not the same w/o you
I just saw a homeless man with a cat on a leash. reminded me of you.
I was wasted and lost so I called the cops and asked for directions. It seemed logical at the time
stayed up until 6am doing my presentation on buddhist art and the practice of chanting. took shots. did drugs. the powerpoint now includes a sesame street style game (with chicken/puppy clip art), an xzibit music video (and quotes about section eight and eating steaks), and a reference to a german metal band (universe). this is going to be the best presentation ever
so, is "hi, did i take your virginity six years ago and never call afterwards?" an appropriate greeting in a bar?
you both peed in the photobooth after the pictures were taken.
You lured him into the bathroom with a trail of jello shots, then proceeded to barricade the door with duct tape. You really should have thought that one through..
If you two are having sex, stop. I have something really important to ask you about psychics.
Im having a st. Get way fucked till i speak Irish pre game party. Bring a compass cause we are about to get lost
There is a man playing a trumpet at this brunch and I hate life. Too hungover for this. Send help ASAP.
Hey I'm sorry for head butting you last night. Personally I thought it was funny at the time, but I can see how from your perspective it may not have been as enjoyable for you... Hope your lip is okay.
there is a spider sitting on top of my weed like he owns it or some shit
no but seriously tf do i do? i have that spider phobia but i think my lvoe of the weed overpowers it
She asked me if I would fuck her with my storm trooper mask on
I don't think we should let her have pot anymore. She ate an entire package of bacon half-cooked and screamed that it was al-dente.
I just want to find somebody intelligent enough to trick my parents into thinking she's not a trophy wife. Is that too much to ask?
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