Oh and I watched laurens last episode on the hills. its been an emotional day
So my Christmas cards this year will be my mug shot with my kids face photo shopped next to me....too ghetto?
We agreed on being friends w/ benefits. Lets see if that really happens.
Ok, so that was not supposed to go to u, my bad. I feel horrible.
Tbell employee was shuffling through my bag, calling off each item i ordered to make sure it was all there. I stopped him halfway through with "guy, don't worry, I'm high as shit, I'll eat anything."
you poured 3 beers into an empty vase and then passed out, so i drank them for you. don't say i'm not a good friend.
If you can't do the LSAT hung over. You can't do the LSAT. That's the real practice.
it's official, i know exactly what cross streets we're at by the bumps when i give him road head
everyone at work keeps looking at me like they know I got the herp this weekend
your love of good penises attached to ugly faces is disgusting and slightly disturbing.
Public service announcement: if you would like to continue receiving blow jobs, a 25% increase in fuck-giving will be expected immediately, and you're expected to give an actual flying fuck at least once a week. Brought to you by the ad council.
Say hello to your nephew Sir Isaac Meriwether van Catsworth
I'm going to have to start taking your phone after ten. That's when all the cat pictures come
Just got a Lifeproof case for Christmas so hold on and tell me how my shower nudes look
I drank too much tequila. I'm hyperventilating. Send help. I think I slipped through satan's asshole.
Officially spring today. First sighting of loud-ass Steller Jay on the balcony.
Does it still count as a threesome if one girl left halfway through cause we were having too much sex?
Fuck you for even being able to ask that question
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