Somewhere in this world my second husband is in 9th grade.
Everything about him screamed your future.
They made my facebook status "I got my period!!!." Every guy I've had sex with at college liked it.
We need to start having rules for the weekends. Like no more downing 3 shots because we want to slut dance a little harder or because biggie just came on.
gladiator or hannah montana?
This is why I never have to ask who you are when I get a new phone.
I asked this couple what they would like to drink and they leaned toward me eagerly and asked if we still have THE root beer ... Idk if this is code for please add cocaine to my drink
IM TRYING TO BE RESPONSIBLE AND ALL I WANT TO DO IS FUNNEL CHEAP BEER AND SCREAM ABOUT HOW MUCH I LOVE OUR NATION
I just found out two girls I dated met each other, bonded over how much they hate me, started dating and are gonna get married soon.
Now, one of you come feed me, the other read me my physics book...I'm too hungover for this shit...
HOW DO YOU FORGET TO FINISH WINE
Idk maybe I'll talk to him once he gets out of jail just to yell at him and get my strawberry ice cream back.
*6am blends another margarita* *615am blends straight tequila*
Bro.. I am absolutely going to have sex with our old middle school health teacher
Is Facebook telling the truth about your nipples?!
I think I hear the ice cream truck
I could be going crazy though
NO IT IS THE ICE CREAM TRUCK IT'S ALMOST AT YOUR STOP
Randomize
