so hey instead of everyone buying me a birthday present can everyone just pitch in for my abortion?
just spent about 3 1/2 hours looking for a dollar so I can buy weed.
suggestion: become a stripper.
when my professor asked "does anyone know what streches across south america" and a kid in the back row said "my exgirfriends vagina" i knew i was at home.
so apparently i worked out for over an hour last night. drinking is the only way i will ever get anything done
You know there's only so much I can do with a great personality.
Man the liquor store just wrong numbered me, its a sign even god wants me to drink
dude she looked like Newman from Seinfeld I'm done with this wingman shit
Yeah but I was the kid who ran over your BMW and is banging your 15 year old daughter... There isn't a cool enough dad in the world to make that work.
No...this little piggys going to the bar
How does one un superglue their foot to the floor
My coworker's brand new computer showed up today. He's on vacation for the next week. Brian and I are installing Windows 98 on it.
I feel like my sexual preferences are just another sign that I am a 75 year old drag queen in a 29 year old woman's body.
lost my vibrator and now I have to masturbate manually. The struggle is fucking real.
Did my extra credit for a class I badly need to pass at the bar of Friday's.. kind of sum's up my college career. Got a 90 though.
You turned down sex for fried cheese??
My penis and doctor won't be happy with me, but come on. Fried cheese!
Randomize
