I wonder why dictionaries dont have indexes to help find the words easier.
We're playing Edward Bottle-of-eight-dollar-sale-wine-hands now
i wasn't going to tell her about the threesome but i had to explain the tree and the green paint everywhere
you know its summer when you wake up on the toilet
2 things. 1. I just gave her a 6 hour long marathon fucking for America. 2. Thought of a new invention halfway through, and it's flawless.
we should probably just go check in at the police station right now
If I don't survive tonitght I would like to thank you for the ricekrispy treats. I am majestic
Before we have sex for the first time I would like "eye of the tiger" to be playing to mentally prepare me for what I'm about to endure.
Honestly I am too high to watch videos of you jerking off right now
my roommate woke me up with head. more awkward than it sounds.
wanna see your best friend chug a bottle of steak sauce?
please go to sleep
I don't trust him but hanging out with him might be fun
he's literally satan but yeah probably
3 weeks in a row I've pulled '69' at the deli counter...God is giving me shit for not getting laid in a year....
I’m sorry my lady boner messed up your mojo!!
Last night was a bad idea. I'm hungover and the contents of my purse smell like Korean BBQ.
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