Hard to imagine a reason apart from blow jobs that I'm awake at 530 am.
He shouted my World of Warcraft name while we were having sex, and he was sober.
So tasty. Tasty like a vagina with ninjas in it
your brother is wearing shin guards in the swimming pool. i have a feeling that this happens often
I am not saying a eulogy for your vibrator.
I just dropped off shoes at Mike's hotel. The chick he hooked up with last night stole his phone and shoes.
The guy I met last night said we had a real connection and gave me his AA coin because he met me during his relapse
Yeah but I was the kid who ran over your BMW and is banging your 15 year old daughter... There isn't a cool enough dad in the world to make that work.
THERE IS SOMEONE IN MY CAR MILKING HERSELF AND TELLING ME TO TRY IT
Would be in best interest to sanitize the DVDs
I am taking a candle lit bath, blasting some tupac and smoking a fat bowl. This is how every night should end. Did you go take a piss in his car yet?
Still not over the fact that we prayed to Jesus to help us win beer pong
I RAN OVER A NUN! I RAN OVER A FUCKING NUN! GOD WILL NEVER FORGIVE ME FOR MY SINS NOW!!!
you face planting the wall was epic
did you at least save my tooth
I love it when strippers help me get other strippers numbers.
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