Did you hit it?
Turns out she was a he. but to answer your question, yes.
as soon as you compare a person to an animal, all sexual interest is out the window
Margaritas ran out of lime juice. Substituted Jaeger. Jaegerita not good.
IF CHARLIE SCHEEN CAN DO IT I CAN DO IT IM A PROFESSONAL
Hung over does not do it justice. I am hung like a horse over. I am hungover and over and over. I am hung, drawn and quartered fucking over. They just told me I can't keep my sunglasses on in the office. Fuck drinking with you people.
So puking trix and chicken wings is horrible but atleast we got free drinks for taking the trash out at the bar we are really movin up in the world
I thought of you this morning when I woke up in a bed with a girl wrapped in duct tape dressed as a coors light can.
If you're in the liquor store 5 minutes before close, and you have to ask the cashier for a coin to flip to make a life decision because "vodka takes you to a bad place," you need to reevaluate your life.
The best revenge is living well. Or pooping in his sunroof. Either or
I just feel like everything is too perfect
He's probably a serial killer or chronic masturbator
Or both. Which is common
Dude if her licking my face hammered isn't love I don't really want to know what love is.
Thats Poetry
Dude, she doesn't even live here... She just can't eat all our food and masturbate on my dog's couch...
It would seem she's painting a bullseye right in between her legs
How drunk do you guys plan on getting?
We wrote our addresses on our arms for the cab driver, what do you think?
I don't know how a coffee date turned into road head. But hey
Randomize
