Most awkward sex ever...
And im texting you in the middle.
so i completely puked my brains out. a lot. he held me up so i could brush my teeth. then we proceeded to hook up for the next four hours.
he's a keeper
I'm upset that MJ died and all but waking up to his face on my HDTV in the middle of the night while half-asleep is pretty much the scariest fucking thing ever.
Not everyone can get ass. Some people are good at building rockets. You’re good at sleeping with many men. It’s an art.
Is it proper Ass-Fingering-Etiquette to tell her u felt her poop or just pretend it didn't happen?
why do you have a stuffed bear wearing a thong and a seatbelt in your backseat??
please tell me you didn't have sex with him in the bathroom...
Does an alley count?
its not a holiday until ive ruined the family picture because im drunk
I just remembered you had me meet your law professor while I was wasted...how'd that go?
Third base with a 7ft basketball player last night. Fingers like a champ. I call him Edward Penishands.
I am not being the messenger for your booty call.
I spoon fed you cheerios when you were black out drunk. You owe me one.
Omg how many tall cans is too many tall cans for 1 pm
My mom found your leather pants in our guest room. She doesn't want to know why they are there, she just wants to know if you want them washed.
He spent ten minutes post bj, limp cock still out, in shock repeating 'best blow job ever'. So yes, yelling I am the penis queen out the car window was justified.
I refuse to take any type of advice let alone love advice from a motherfucker who is missing 3 fingers from a Fucked up masturbating accident.
Randomize
