Oh My! A car just drove by me a splashed me with a wave of water. I am drenched and soaking wet!
I am sorry--all I heard is that you are wet.
so i woke up with ketchup and a sticky boob on my face...this is a new low
i'm in the sorta mood where i wanna be that crying, drunk girl who will hook up with anyone that tells her she's pretty
The sex was so good, I called my ex during the 2nd time just so he could hear. Is that mean?
I can't, I'm busy. I've been walking around Tokyo on google maps for an hour.
There are Star Wars cutouts in his basement. Obi Wan Kenobe watched me give him a handjob.
I mean this holiday was built on cheap beer, shitty whisky, and processed meat... and I fully plan to honor that
For future reference, never invite the people you met at Dunkin Donuts at 2am to your house to watch Dogma
Uh, do you remember who's thong is in my tree?
currently pooping in a public restroom while drinking free beer. there has never been a finer line between awesome and depressing.
Well, I convinced myself I had a sixth toe and then I ripped it off. So I PRAY you're doing better than me.
He fingered me in a Waffle House bathroom and then stole a traffic cone. Is this love that I'm feeling?
I promise that I won't shotgun beers with your boyfriend this time, Scouts Honor.
Chasing down vodka with apple juice and crying. Alone.
It actually wasn't the first time that a guy I just met ate me out in the back seat of his car in a starbucks parking lot in the middle of the day.
Randomize
