Hey. Did u tell any1 that I use Nuvaring?
Cuz 1 of ur bf's frat bros just asked me if I wanted to "play ring toss later"
I don't think he's ever woke up with a paraplegic stripper sitting on his face before.
He kept buying me shots of tequila. I decided to just save myself the half hour of toilet hugging and tell him straight up that I intended on sleeping with him. We got Tacos on the way home with all the money we saved.
i was so fucked up i thought i was at home depot
I'm not asking you to commit. I'm politely asking your penis to be my friend.
Then mom squeezed my boob and said, "Dad would go nuts if I had these..."
We have started to decorate penises.
I've never seen an uncircumcised penis. I mean in person. I've clearly seen an uncircumcised penis. I have the google.
He started tongueing his parfait and told "thats what I'd to your ass" in the middle of Starbucks. Of course i brought him home
Awwww breaks my heart, I just wanna fix his teeth and give him a blowjob.
He said his fantasy involved both of us fucking while stuffed into the same overalls
"can you come pick me up from the ikea parking garage i think i slept here"
I can't get past the whole vibrator up the ass stunt.. Can we have a ceremonial burning for his dignity because I will not ever touch that again..
Yep, you're going to hell.
I take on this great possibility with a beer in one hand and the girl I'm gonna fuck later in the other
There is a sex dungeon behind the wine cellar. This is why I hate showing foreclosures.
Randomize
