She was sleeping without a shirt so I thought I wouldI sneaked a peek at her nipples..than I realized they were just warts...on her back.
I may be the first guy in history to get dome while watching An Extremely Goofy Movie.
So tasty. Tasty like a vagina with ninjas in it
I'm pretty sure we got the cab driver deported
Dont get mad at me, it takes two to tango
IT TAKES ONE TO EJACULATE INTO THE OTHER WITHOUT CONSENT, AND SPOILER ALERT, ITS THE ONE WITH A SCROTUM FULL OF SEMEN.
I need to stop going to bars and yelling "I could be teaching your kids one day, bitches!"
I couldn't sleep so I took 4 shots of vodka and promptly threw up in the sink. Happy Thursday
Did you seduce any young men into coming home to your love nest of poutine and jäger bombs?
My mom asked me if I ever go on dates. I had to suppress the urge to ask if having casual sex with a freshmen counts as dating
You know just a typical night. Eating peanut butter off of tablespoons and having sex to our favorite Christmas carols. This is my favorite time of year.
Dude. I need you to practice dancing around in your banana hamock. Party boy style. I'll call later with details.
Eating pizza in the bath tub while watching a romantic comedy alone. I reached a new level of single.
How drunk was I last night?
You tried to unlock a door with your dick. That drunk.
Not the explanation for the cock bruise that I was looking for.
Well when we Get drunk it gets rowdy. We could always attempt self-control. But historically and statistically speaking, we fail at that.
he broke off the kiss to ask "can I grab your boob?" like props for asking for clear and concise consent but there HAS to be a sexier way to do it
Randomize
