he called me "his little blueberry cunt muffin"...how would that make you feel?
you used to get mad at me for mentioning 'unprotected sex' and happenings in my bed
well yeah, but then i realized the wisdom of your ways.
Michael Jackson had a heart attack when he found out boyz to men was a music group not a delivery service.
She looked like a pterodactyl.....but dude i love dinosaurs
they named it eva bongoria. i had to hit it based on the name alone.
My neighbor asked me to tell you to stop changing in front of their house. Do I even want to know?
Crying in the liquor store is not a good look
Your mom won me $100 and you showed me your tits. Solid evening.
Just got hit on by a 50 year old Englishman who is now swapping drunken racing stories with my mom. Live Mariachi band in the background. How's that for a wake?
But it's ok cause then I turned my tequila blanket into a tequila comforter and I felt no pain
By the way, do you realize that you asked me how much you could get for your eggs last night. And once you learned the price said that you had plenty to share.
He doesn't like Sabbath and that alone is a GIANT red flag. Learn from my experiences and never, I mean NEVER associate with people that hate Black Sabbath and Motörhead.
so the casino kicked my ass last night, i'm pretty sure i hit a new level of hungover....just showered with my sunglasses on because the bathroom light is too bright
Is it weird to invite your FWB to thanksgiving dinner??
And then there was cum in my hair and he was making beans.
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