The guy asked if i had a problem w/set schedules
The only way im leaving this casino is in a golden chariot or an ambulance
counting down the days left of school on my birth control packet.
he called me from germany to tell me about all the gummy bears he bought...i'm doubting his sobriety
We're about to go to a party titled 'Night of 1000 Jello Shots".
you seemed to enjoy falling down hill
wow, never heard the last few months of my life put so succint
I wanna introduce you to my balls, Thunder and Lightning.
Logically he should not be walking around...after that fall he should be in a hospital in a medically induced coma
Just had an hour long talk with a woman, turns out she's the mom of the guy i lost my virginity to. Even better his dog was also present.. Meeting the family at its best?
He'd pee in it. And since it's PBR I'd have no idea
Remember that time you came over to my house and I was on the porch naked and eating peanut butter?
Only at Harvard can you walk in on a bunch of stoners and expect everyone to immediately stand up, shake your hand and introduce themselves like we're at a fucking job fair
Last night I watered my lawn and smoked a joint then cooked a steak. I'm really killing this adulthood thing.
He stole my heart. I stole his identity.
Star Wars means nothing to me. I know only the basics. Darth is Luke's father. R2 is short, C3 is gold. Yoda sings Rainbow Connection. The kinda stuff EVERYONE knows.
Randomize
